Growing up, I always had a queer fascination with fire. Not the kind that ever worried my parents so much they thought I had a problem, mostly just the kind that every little kid with wonder in their eyes had. I can remember on many occasions in my teenage years my parents would tell me to stop playing around with fire. I was raised in a family of smokers, and although I never became one myself, there was always a lighter or matches hanging somewhere to be found in the house. My hands were like magnets to them.
I can remember exactly my first "burn". I was 12 and playing with a lighter and a straw leftover from a McDonald's cup that we had gotten earlier in the day. Straws seemed to burn so interestingly because of how the plastic so easily shrunk once heat got anywhere near it. As I was holding it up to watch it drip off the flame, a small piece of hot liquid plastic fell onto my inner left thigh. The pain from the quarter-inch area of melted flesh was so intense I quickly dropped the lighter and straw and rubbed what was left of the plastic off of my leg. That mark is obviously still there on my leg and although it has healed with time the memory of that day and what it felt like will never go away.
My first burn, as you know since you are reading this, would not be my last. And as I get older, I realize physical burns obvioulsy hurt yet only for awhile. It's the burn that affects me mentally every day as I stuggle to accept what hand I was dealt and how each day I regain the strength to get up, face reality, and love myself for who I am.
May 10, 2011
May 09, 2011
What a perfect beginning
He said it was "lust" from the beginning, not love, and to know my husband, that is his sense of humor. That very sense of humor, surprisingly, was what stole my heart forever!!
It was January, 2003 and I went into my interview thinking all I wanted to land was this head coaching job. I was 22, green as could be, and ready to start embarking on a world I was brand new in. My head could hardly wrap itself around the idea that this was full time job so I would be able to stop eating spaghetti noodles for dinner every night. Now I could stop sneaking into the school's cafeteria to eat like I was one of their students. For the time being though, I was still young enough to pass as one of my players so saving money on food that way was always a blessing.
Standing in the doorway, half way through my interview I looked up and there he was. "Say hi to our volleyball candidate, Coach McGuire" the assistant AD Cheryl insisted he do in her very southern voice. He didn't stare very long before realizing that I wasn't married. But then he stretched out his hand and welcomed me in a manner that simply said, I'm not that impressed!
"She's from Illinois" Cheryl said. Very quickly I was informed that Coach McGuire was from Ohio so we had something in common. But last time I checked Ohio and Illinois were worlds apart to me and I'm sure the look on my face was all she needed to see to know what I was thinking.
I'm pretty sure at that very moment, the interview with her was over. She had succeeded in playing matchmaker and one could often wonder if that wasn't the real reason I got the job at all!
A few weeks later I received a phone call that would change my world forever. When offered the head coaching job one of the first thoughts that ran through my head was "how would I explain my burns to these people?" It was never about being able to bring success to this program or am I old enough to garner respect in a profession that is not only dominated by males but mature, respected professionals. It's still sad to me to this day that when I meet new people or when summer time rolls around, my gut reaction is think of ways to hide my arms so that they talk to me, not get distracted and stare at my burns.
But, as I was moving into my new office, relishing in my new accomplishment, there he was again. He was standing at the copier which stood directly outside my office when he stuck his head in and congratulated me on becoming part of the staff. And to this day, what I remember the most was that he looked me directly in the eyes when we spoke. I was comfortable around him and that hadn't happened in the longest time. I knew in that moment, Cheryl may have just be on to something when she introduced the two of us so many weeks before....
It was January, 2003 and I went into my interview thinking all I wanted to land was this head coaching job. I was 22, green as could be, and ready to start embarking on a world I was brand new in. My head could hardly wrap itself around the idea that this was full time job so I would be able to stop eating spaghetti noodles for dinner every night. Now I could stop sneaking into the school's cafeteria to eat like I was one of their students. For the time being though, I was still young enough to pass as one of my players so saving money on food that way was always a blessing.
Standing in the doorway, half way through my interview I looked up and there he was. "Say hi to our volleyball candidate, Coach McGuire" the assistant AD Cheryl insisted he do in her very southern voice. He didn't stare very long before realizing that I wasn't married. But then he stretched out his hand and welcomed me in a manner that simply said, I'm not that impressed!
"She's from Illinois" Cheryl said. Very quickly I was informed that Coach McGuire was from Ohio so we had something in common. But last time I checked Ohio and Illinois were worlds apart to me and I'm sure the look on my face was all she needed to see to know what I was thinking.
I'm pretty sure at that very moment, the interview with her was over. She had succeeded in playing matchmaker and one could often wonder if that wasn't the real reason I got the job at all!
A few weeks later I received a phone call that would change my world forever. When offered the head coaching job one of the first thoughts that ran through my head was "how would I explain my burns to these people?" It was never about being able to bring success to this program or am I old enough to garner respect in a profession that is not only dominated by males but mature, respected professionals. It's still sad to me to this day that when I meet new people or when summer time rolls around, my gut reaction is think of ways to hide my arms so that they talk to me, not get distracted and stare at my burns.
But, as I was moving into my new office, relishing in my new accomplishment, there he was again. He was standing at the copier which stood directly outside my office when he stuck his head in and congratulated me on becoming part of the staff. And to this day, what I remember the most was that he looked me directly in the eyes when we spoke. I was comfortable around him and that hadn't happened in the longest time. I knew in that moment, Cheryl may have just be on to something when she introduced the two of us so many weeks before....
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| Taken almost 8 years to the day he proposed! |
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